John from Australia wrote to us and told us his dating disasters, here they are. Make sure you read to the end, we have another competition for you!
My second most disastrous date:
I met this young lady called Helen who I really liked. She was quite posh! I found out that through mutual friends that Helen had done some ballet as a child and was still really into ballet. Thanking my lucky stars for the “high quality intelligence” I had garnered from our mutual friends, I telephoned Helen and said that I “just happened” to have tickets for the ballet at the Royal Opera House and would she like to come (Oh yes, I am a pretty smooth operator with the young ladies, eh?). Helen agreed! I thought “I am in here!” We met up for our date. The orchestra were warming up and the audience were taking their seats. The problem is that I am a country boy, I was 23 years old at the time and had NEVER actually been to the opera or the ballet before and actually I had no idea what they involved! I said to Helen “Errr, so what is the difference between a ballet and an opera?” Helen looked at me disdainfully as if to say “how could you not know that? – you’re a complete peasant!” Suffice to say that I never got a second date!
My all time most disastrous date:
About 11 or 12 years ago I had a gorgeous pretty, blonde, girlfriend called Jill. I kid you not – Jill was Drop Dead Gorgeous with a capital “G”. Jill is really clever as well. She has a first class honours degree in Law from Cambridge University. She works as a solicitor for a top 5 law firm in the City. When she is at work as a lawyer she has to wear quite conservative clothes especially when she is in court acting as legal counsel before a judge. I don’t know if that is why, out of work, she dressed quite extravagantly at times. One of her favourite outfits consisted of a pair of beautiful thigh-high boots made from the softest Italian leather by a top designer and a matching leather mini-skirt. Jill is so pretty that she has the class to carry off that look without looking like Julia Roberts in “Pretty Woman”!
I bought tickets for a West End show as Jill loves going to the theatre. Jill looked great in her thigh-high boots and mini-skirt. She really enjoyed the show. Just as we left the theatre and were walking along Shaftesbury Avenue towards Piccadilly looking for a cab, it started to pour down with rain. It was 10 pm and pouring with rain. It’s never easy to find a cab. We were, by this time, just outside Le Meridien, a posh hotel on Piccadilly. There was no point Jill getting soaking wet. I said to Jill “you wait at the Le Meridien hotel and I will find a cab and drive back to pick you up”. In the pouring rain (no umbrella) I walked all the way along Piccadilly to the Intercontinental Hotel on Park Lane before finding a cab. I got in the cab and we drove back to the Le Meridien Hotel to pick Jill up. When we got there I expected to see Jill inside the hotel in the dry but she was outside the hotel getting wet! I waved to her to get her in the cab and she got in. I expected her to be in a good mood. I expected Jill to be thinking what a nice gentleman I am for going to such trouble to get a cab and keep her dry! Instead, Jill was in a foul mood. She was spitting blood like she was the mutant offspring of a Pitbull Terrier and an Eastern Brown snake (a nasty vicious venomous snake from Australia)! I said to Jill: “Why the bad mood? Why weren’t you waiting inside the hotel in the dry?” Jill replied that she had initially waited inside the hotel. Unfortunately, the hotel manager had seen her dressed in her thigh-high boots and mini-skirt, and assumed she was a prostitute and told Jill to leave immediately or he would call the police! The worst thing is, what with Jill being a solicitor, if the police had been called and the story had been leaked to the newspapers, you can guess the headline: “Solicitor caught soliciting!”
After that date, all her friends were telling Jill: “you have been dating John for three months now and everyone now assumes you are a hooker! Dump him! …..”. A few weeks later, Jill dumped me!
Poor John didn’t have much luck with these dates, but we are over the moon to say he is in a relationship now and is very happy!
We’d love to here more of your dating stories! Tell us your dating disaster stories for a chance to win tickets to see Justin Bieber at British Summertime Festival in Hyde Park! Competition closes 14th April 2017, so get writing! We can’t wait to hear some of these stories…